UPDATE: Is NMPF’s Jaimie Castaneda about to lose his job? Sure looks that way.
Editor’s note: Back around 9 months ago Udder Stupidity was the first to point out the walking, talking blatant conflict of interest rule violator known as Jaimie (he pronounces it “Himey” – we kid you not) Castaneda. But now well-placed sources tell us Castaneda will soon be out on his derriere, or should we say “hiney” (rhymes with “Jaime”)?
We reprint that post as a continuing public service:
The dairy industry’s ongoing effort to redefine the word milk via the Dairy PRIDE Act is based on the flimsy excuse that consumers are too damned stupid to tell the difference between products like “soymilk” and cow milk. Trying to convince Congress of such a bogus narrative is so important to them that they will do anything – including cheating – to lobby for their version of reality.
To do this, the lobbyists at the National Milk Producers Federation are brazenly bending every rule they come across. It is the epitome of the SWAMP that is Washington, D.C. First, let us tell you what the law says:
PROHIBITED ACTIVITIES.─A board may not engage in, and shall prohibit the employees and agents of the board from engaging in─
(2) using funds collected by the board under the order, any action undertaken for the purpose of influencing any legislation or governmental action or policy other than recommending to the Secretary amendments to the order.
Now, meet Jaimie Castenada, one of National Milk’s lobbyists. Seems that Jaimie doesn’t just break that rule – he flaunts it.Here’s what Castenada’s resume says:
Coordinate the lobbying efforts of NMPF staff for the 2007 Farm Bill and lead the development of the Margin Insurance Program establish in the 2013 Farm Bill. Also, responsible for handling International Trade Affairs for NMPF. In that capacity, I am currently the chief staff member representing the U.S. dairy industry before USDA, USTR and foreign countries on all international matters.
And here is how JC introduced himself to the House Ag Committee:
“My name is Jaime Castaneda and I am a Senior Vice President of the National Milk Producers Federation (NMPF). In addition to my role for NMPF, I also lead trade policy issues for the U.S. Dairy Export Council in order to pursue policies that help advance the interests of the broader dairy industry.”
A majority of the funding for USDEC – a group which JC testified to Congress employs him – comes from the dairy check-off fund. So Jaimie is a double dipper on steroids – he works for two dairy groups. That’s tough to do since the aforementioned law establishes firewalls (at least for lobbying) between the two groups.
And then there’s this — right from the U.S. Dairy Export Council (USDEC) blog:
“A majority of USDEC’s funding comes from DMI and the dairy checkoff. Yet, USDEC maximizes its checkoff funding with additional revenue from the U.S. Department of Agriculture and membership dues.”
Here’s a handy little reference guide from the USDA’s Ag Marketing Service Marketing Grants Division (who oversees checkoffs) on the use of proceeds provided to recipients:
Cost Category Affected AMS Grant Program Description, Guidance and Exceptions
Lobbying ALL Unallowable as defined in 2 CFR § 200.450
Finally, yet additional funding is raised from membership dues, including dues from processors, who are members of the International Dairy Foods Association (IDFA). This is what the President of the IDFA, Michael Dykes, told the House Ag Committee in a recent hearing:
“The Dairy Pride Act “tends to pit farmer against farmer.” And “So far, FDA has not concluded that consumers are being misled (by soymilk). This issue needs to be resolved in the market place is our position.”
So, let’s re-cap, shall we?
Jaime’s a self-described lobbyist, who works for USDEC, a group whose funding is either 1) from a source that prohibits its use for lobbying, or 2) membership dues paid by companies who oppose what Jaime lobbies for.
But wait! There’s more! Here’s our favorite snippet from Jaime’s bio:
Since March 2012, Jaime has also served as Executive Director of the Consortium for Common Food Names. In this position, Jaime works with food organizations in the United States and around the world defending the rights of consumers, buyers and producers to continue the use of a variety of generic food names.
We would assume that means Jaimie is hard at work defending generic food names used by consumers, buyers and producers for decades – generic names such as soymilk, almond milk, rice milk, and coconut milk
Sure he is.
Maybe the USDA Inspector General would like Jaime’s phone number. He might have a few questions about his – ahem – unusual compensation situation. As a public service, here’s that number: (703) 508-3049. Or maybe the IG wants to talk to one of Jaime’s bosses, Tom Vilsack (703) 508-3049 and/or Jim Mulhern (703) 243-6111. Loyal readers will remember Vilsack and Mulhern as 2/3 of the Three Amigos.
Better yet, just come on down to suite #600, 2107 Wilson Blvd. in Arlington. Both of Jaime’s bosses’ offices are in the same location, separated by a highly flammable, paper-thin firewall, of course.
“Go ahead, FDA, call me a bovine.
I dare you!”
As the FDA begins to review regulations concerning the definition of the word “milk,” they are undoubtedly running into some glaring problems with the definition sought by the National Milk Producers Federation.
Case in point: It’s been decades since the nut and soybean people began producing and marketing such things as Soy Milk and Almond Milk. The big dairy folks barely complained about the upstarts – that is, until the starting cutting into their market share. But to show you how absurd their whole “definition of the word Milk” is, one only has to look around them to see Dairy, Inc.’s attempts are fraught with examples of the utter ( or is it “udder”?) stupidity of their labeling scam.
Take “Mother’s Milk” for example. Under the proposed FDA guidelines it would be illegal to call it milk. “But,” you say, “mother’s milk is not a commercial commodity. It has no monetary value.” Think again, bucko:
— Miami Herald, 9/10/2018
And then, of course there’s “Milk of Magnesia.” After all, it’s white, it’s liquid, you drink it. Wow, that must be really confusing to NMPF folks. It must be banned! Under the NMPF version of the rules, the makers would have to relabel it and remove the word “milk.” Maybe something like:
“The Non-lacteal Secretions of a Non-bovine of Magnesia.”
See how quickly this goes from a definition reevaluation to a classic example of bureaucratic insanity?
The dairy folks, and some at the FDA itself, say that consumers are too damn stupid to know the difference between nuts and cows and that they might somehow be harmed by people who consumed soy milk thinking it was cow milk. We are waiting for the extensive and comprehensive study that in the last 40+ years show the multitudes of consumers who were physically harmed by the confusion.
But the doctor offices have numerous examples of lactose intolerant victims who had a bad reaction to milk. Go figure. Maybe the FDA should require the dairy industry to re-label their product to say:
DANGER: Contains the lacteal secretions of a bovine. Studies have shown that for some people consuming this product can cause severe gastrointestinal discomfort, possibly even death.
Stupid suggestion? Yeah. Almost as stupid as banning the labeling of Soy as milk.
If you think we are wrong, try telling your nursing wife that according to the NMPF and the FDA, she will henceforth be required to refer to herself as a “cow” or stop using the phrase “mother’s milk” while breast feeding.
Let us know how that works out for you.
Boyd Bites the Burrito. Big time.
[Editors’ Note: Before we begin, many of our readers (okay, okay, both of our readers) have been wondering what happened to Rocky Top. Well here is the short answer: we actually have lives outside of the voyeuristic pleasure many of you get when reading our incendiary columns. So excuse us for living.
Mrs. Hot Chick just had yet another baby (which leads us to wonder, does Mr. Hot Chick ever give it a rest?), so her contributions have been curtailed until future notice. As for the other two crew members, we were growing increasingly bored with the whole thing and decided to take a sabbatical to regain our perspective. That, of course, did not work.
But when the inexecrable Sen. Todd Gardenhire (R-Pissed Off) and Rep, Mark White (R-Ino) decided to make another run at using our tax dollars to reward people for breaking into our country, we decided to rev up the old motor and take them on.
So is this post a return of RTP to the political battles, or is it a one-time tirade? Who cares? Enjoy it while you got it.]
Viva La Raza Randy!
or in language Boyd can understand:
“Esto est estupido. Aparentementa soy un completo idiota,” dijo el Sr. Randy
It didn’t take long for the college tuition subsidies for illegal aliens issue to hit the governor’s race. That is not surprising. What is surprising is the how the Diane Black campaign deftly took advantage of the situation as compared to incredibly stupid reaction from the Boyd campaign.
RTP has no favorites in the governor’s race, so we can approach this as objectively as a bunch of political hacks can approach any political subject on a given day.
Black immediately jumped out in front of the issue and declared she would veto the bill brought by Gardenhire and White which would subsidize illegal aliens by giving them in-state tuition rates. She then trotted out statements and advertising that solidified her opposition. (For the record, so did Bill Lee, but as Ricky Bobby once said: “If you ain’t first, you’re last.”). Beth Harwell reinvigorated the Bathroom Caucus by characteristically remaining silent and on the sideline any time a controversy emerges. “The signs are everywhere,” Beth. And your cowardice on this issue is perhaps the biggest sign your campaign is going nowhere.
But not Randy Boyd. Oh, nooo. El Jefe Randy probably should have remained at least quiet on the subject, given his history of bankrolling illegal alien project (i.e., $250,000 in personal contributions for La Raza-supported training programs that help teach illegals how to take American restaurant jobs), Senior Randy just had to open his mouth and let loose with this little gem:
“We need to bring more people in to the state of Tennessee, and I want to bring people in … from wherever in the world they want to come from.”
Maybe El Gobernador wannabe Randy did not get the message that his campaign’s internal polling has been screaming at him: taxpayer-funded subsidies for illegals is a devastatingly bad issue for any GOP candidate who embraces it. And while trying to filibuster his response to avoid taking a firm stand, Boyd just can’t seem to stop talking. Look for Black to take his above statement and wrap it around his neck like a cheap serape.
Adios, Senor Randy.
Time to stick a fork in the Cork?
The slow strip tease that is the Corker “reconsideration dance” is starting to wear thin. Senate Leader Mitch McConnell has now said that he “has no problem” with Marsha Blackburn’s chances at keeping the senate seat in the Republican column, undermining Coker’s “will he?/won’t he?” act. Even the pollster who released numbers purporting to show Blackburn losing to Bredesen by 2 points, which the Corker people promoted as proof that he needed to get into the race, did a major backtrack on his on poll.
Blackburn has made it clear she won’t roll over for Corker and the recent polls show she would beat him handily. And observers find it hard to believe that Corker – absent some sort of “Roy Moore” opposition research on Blackburn – would be willing to risk his place in history as well as his enormous ego by getting his butt kicked by the “Brentwood Barbie.”
RTP sources in DC say that earlier in the week, Corker was seen running down to the White House to see if Trump would weigh in. There are media reports that he met with Ivanka Trump, but the Trumps apparently declined to get involved (gee, we wonder why).
We predict this will all come to a head within just a few days, with Corker once again “coming up short
Rocky Top has heard the rumor from multiple sources. Is it true?
We don’t know. But the rumor and the spin-off speculation has become so prevalent that it is impossible to ignore.
Here is the gist of it:
Corker is looking seriously at “un-retirement” and/or is being encouraged to do so by prominent financial players who are worried that former Cong. Stephen Fincher is badly trailing Cong. Marsha Blackburn. Independent and internal polls that we have seen confirm that Fincher is losing by as many as 35 points. After bragging late last year that he would significantly outraise Blackburn, the most recent FEC reports show that it was Blackburn took those honors by several hundred thousand dollars, increasing the fundraising gap with Fincher. All this has dramatically increased the discomfort among the state’s establishment Republicans who loathe Blackburn and her independent brand of conservatism.
The name at the center of the rumors is – no surprise – Tom Ingram. Ingram has reportedly made numerous calls sounding out leaders’ opinions for a Corker redux. If Ingram is involved, it’s real.
For his part, Corker is said to have been surprised at how quickly his influence in the Senate has waned since he announced his retirement last fall. For someone whose ego is considered one of the biggest in the Senate (no mean feat), his growing irrelevance has been more than he bargained for. RTP sources in DC report that Corker has rather openly speculated about a run for President in 2020, with or without Trump on the ballot (stop laughing, it’s true) but that is a pretty farfetched possibility.
That leads us to offer some of our patented, astute political analysis as to what may be behind these rumors:
- Upset that Blackburn may get elected to the Senate, the establishment is trying to get Corker to reconsider.
- Corker is actually reconsidering or has already decided to jump back in.
- This could also be a panicked attempt to try and freeze Blackburn’s growing prospects and/or encourage someone besides Fincher to get in the race, since he seems to be going nowhere fast and election day is less than 6 months away.
- The establishment is setting the stage for them to support Bredesen over Blackburn. It’s happened before – remember “Republicans for Bredesen” in 2002? Didn’t Tom Ingram’s wife play a significant role in that effort?
This could all get real interesting, real fast.
Yeah, yeah – we know – gratuitous sexual innuendo and juvenile, irresponsible attempts at humor. But hey – it’s what we do.
But how else to address one of the most blatant misuse of taxpayer’s money in Nashville’s recent history for a politician’s – ahem – personal use. It is not only corrupt, it is a classic demonstration of hypocritical, double-standard, sleazy, unethical malfeasance.
Not to mention icky.
Unless you were living in Thomas Demonbreun’s cave on the Cumberland River the last 24 hours, you know the uber-liberal darling of the Democrat Party, Mayor Megan “Hot Lips” Barry has been using the taxpayer’s money to cheat on her husband with the head (“head” in this instance is perfectly interchangeable between its literal and colloquial definition) of her security detail. She canoodled with him in Greece and half the continental U.S. while he charged the taxpayers overtime for servicing the mayor. The mayor said they never did it “on the clock”. However, she declined to say whether they did it on the sofa, on the hood of her official car (“if this Tahoe’s a-rocking, don’t come knockin’”), or on the 50-yard-line of Titans stadium. For all we know, they did it on the airplane on their way to Greece, which would make her the Mile High Mayor. Come to think of it, they were together in Denver (the Mile High City) so we guess that would qualify too.
Oh, the Humanity! Oh, the Hypocrisy!
The crew here at Rocky Top have digressed to bathroom humor, because that is exactly what the mayor has earned. And because we are done with the preening, sanctimonious, virtue-signaling jerks (#upyours) like the Mayor who smugly declare their moral, ethical and politically correct superiority over those of us who insist on seeing this scandal for what it is. We so-o-o look forward to the Tennessean’s editorial demanding the immediate resignation of the Mayor. (Wait. Why are you laughing?).
It ain’t like there’s no precedent. Those of us old enough to remember Bill Boner know what we are talking about: Cheating. Corruption. Harmonicas. Phil Donohue. National humiliation. (Look it up Millennials. That’s why God created Google).
Somewhere today, Jeremy Durham is laughing his candy pants off.
Corker trades tax vote for a personal financial windfall?
Rolling Stone rolls all over Corrupt Bob.
Chickens Coming Home to Roost.
We told you so.
Over a year ago, Rocky Top Politics launched a series outlining the myriad of activities in which Sen. Bob Corker has apparently abused the financial and political system to enrich himself while he has been a senator. He did this through complicated financial deals that hid his personal indebtedness, fraudulent and misleading Senate financial disclosure filings, using information gained from his position on the Senate Banking Committee to short the nation’s housing market (making tens of millions of dollars in the process), questionable stock trades in a company with which he had extensive personal connections and sleazy shopping mall real estate deals that has and will put millions of dollars of taxpayer money into his own pockets.
Yep, RTP’s expose was groundbreaking and damning. Which of course meant it was studiously and completely ignored by the mainstream media.
But every dog may get his day, and now it appears the crew here at Rocky Top is getting ours.
It all began with what the denizens of The Swamp (i.e., Washington) are now referring to as the “Corker Kickback.” Over the last several months Corker decided to carve out a new political future by gratuitously slamming President Trump, a man in whose rear Corker stuck his nose up to the hilt to try and gain a major appointment from the president. Trump was having none of it and turned away Bob time and again. Corker then launched into one of his patented snit fits and began trying to exact revenge by going after Trump every chance he got. Hilariously, all his efforts got him were approval numbers among Tennessee Republicans that rivaled those of Hillary Clinton and the announcement he was retiring from the senate (before the voters had the opportunity to through his sorry ass out).
But such self-serving efforts by Corker did not go totally unrewarded. To encourage him for attacking Trump, the liberal MSM began heaping lavish praise on Brave, Brave Sir Robert, placing their collective noses with Bob’s derriere in the same position as Bob did with Trump. The most egregious of the brown-nosers was David Plazas of the TennessCNN, who wrote slobbering wet kisses in the form of multiple columns, praising Corker for his new-found “wokeness.” Other reporters regularly demonstrated their new undying love of convenience for the diminutive junior senator.
[Editor’s note: Plazas now looks like the biggest fool in Tennessee politics – but we guess we were expecting so much more from someone who was not born or raised in Tennessee, didn’t go to school in Tennessee, who never before worked in Tennessee, but lowered himself to move to Tennessee with his hubby in tow to “educate” the ignorant hillbillies.]
When Corker became the lone Republican senator to vote against the president’s tax reform bill, the liberal media nearly had an orgasm extolling Corker’s “statesmanship” and “courage, “and “blah, blah, blah.”
And then it all blew up overnight.
Corker the Statesman – who had vowed on the alter that he would “never vote for a tax bill if it raised the deficit one cent” — took less than a week to completely reverse himself, and vote FOR the tax reform bill.
So Wha’ Happened?
It took almost no time for reporters to inconveniently notice that someone had mysteriously and anonymously put in a teensy-weensy little provision that resulted in Corker and some of his closest friends becoming the personal beneficiaries of millions of dollars in tax breaks. OOPS!
Corker: Who are you going to believe – me or your lying eyes?
As word spread across The Swamp, Corker went into panicked damage control mode and tried to cover his sorry ass with an ever-expanding, ever-changing number of excuses as to why what looked to everyone but Bob to be a slimy, sleazy, corrupt bargain, wasn’t actually what it looked like. Some highlights from the 2017 Bob Corker C.Y.A. Tour:
- “I didn’t write that amendment to the bill. I wasn’t even on the committee.”
Nice try, Senator. Everyone on the current RTP crew has experience in Nashville and/or Washington and we know how it works. No, you probably didn’t write the language putting money in your pocket, because senators almost never actually “write” such language. They leave that to staff, or better yet, verbally and privately ask a buddy on the Finance Committee to drop it into the bill in exchange for doing him or her a solid on the back end with a favor for them on a later vote. It’s sleazy. It’s dishonest. It’s Corker.
- “It wasn’t a large sum. It would mean less than $175,000 a year to me.”
Hey, asshole. Check the average income in Tennessee. It’s a mite less than $175,000, you arrogant little twit
- “Sen. Corker came into the senate a wealthy man and he will leave the senate a wealthy man.”
Well whoopty-freakin’-doo, little man. Seriously? That is a honest to God quote from Corker’s spokesperson from just a couple of days ago. Talk about a complete lack of self-awareness.
Corker then ran to Sen. Orrin Hatch of the Finance Committee who dutifully wrote a carefully-worded “hall pass” of absolution, which Corker than ran out to four network talk shows saying “See, see? This proves I’m not the lying little weasel that appears to all the world that I actually am.” Does Corker’s own words and behavior look like the actions of an innocent man or the actions of a sniveling, self-serving piece of Weinstein? We report, you decide.
But such inside dealing was not the worst part of Corker’s Very, Very Bad, No Good, Lousy Week. After hosing his new-found friends among the left-wing news media by doing an about face (or was it “two-faced”) reversal and voting for the bill he had just voted against days before, it took no time at all for the left-leaning media to body slam Corker to the ground for his perfidy. This from last Friday (12/22/2017):
WOW! You have GOT to read the whole thing. It appears the left-leaning Rolling Stone has revealed Corker in flagrante delecto (that’s Latin for “caught with his pants down”) and they appear to be hot on the trail of other Corker Capers. Beware the woman — or liberal outlet — scorned. Corker better pray there are not other publications working on similar stories.
If all this sounds familiar, it should. Rocky Top Politics wrote about it first.
More on the Corker Kickback and the people who may face seriously ethics and legal problems for doing business with a corrupt politician. Perp-walk anyone?
UT search for a head coach riles political leaders, fans and more.
Okay, the first clue that Ohio State asst. coach Greg Schiano was not a wise choice to be the Vols next head football coach, might have been his connection to the worse scandal in college football history — the Penn State/Jerry Sandusky Pedophilia crime.
This was the headline from the Washington Post from July 2016:
Oh, and let’s make sure our friends in the MSM sports world and the hard-left leaning/failing ESPN apologists understand what we are talking about. Schiano was involved. We ignorant hillbillies just didn’t know about it until deposition transcripts were released last year and Vol fans discovered that info on Sunday. Schiano was described by a fellow Penn State coach as “ashen faced”when he saw coach Sandusky (who is now in prison) doing unspeakably horrible things to a young boy in the Penn State locker room showers. Schiano latter denied it in a tweet, but not under oath. He didn’t resign at the time and there is no record of him every reporting the crime to the police. What a guy! He is just the sort of mentor of young athletes that every parent wants guiding their sons on the gridiron!
But the geniuses in the UT administration thought that PEDOPHILIA issues were just water under the bridge. NO problem. Will never come up.
That is until the customer base of the wealthiest football program in the SEC (aka, Vol fans) rose up in justifiable indignation and demanded the deal that had been crafted in secret be trashed. It took all of about 3-4 hours to accomplish that last Sunday afternoon.
Thank God for “ignorant rednecks” who still possess a moral compass.
Soon-to-be-ex-Athletic Director John Currie and other UT leaders were gob-smacked. Why, hadn’t they received the enthusiastic endorsement for Schiano from Jimmy Haslam (who once had Schiano as one of his two finalists for the head coaching job for the Cleveland Browns)? Considering the abysmal record of the Browns over the last two years, may a pedophile enabler would have been the better choice. This is the same Haslam who jammed through the hiring of Disastrous Dereck Dooley as head coach a few years ago. And who reportedly signed-off on the hiring of Cincinnati’s Butch Jones. (What is it with all these people with Ohio connections? What did Tennessee ever do to piss off Ohio?).
And isn’t Jimmy Haslam’s brother Gov. Bill “Kid” Haslam the chairman of the university’s Board of Trustees? “Slam dunk”, right? Except that particular sports metaphor is a basketball term. And this is Futball, dammit!
And we would be remiss if we did not mention that 4 of the 5 Republican governor candidates issued releases last Sunday condemning the proposed hiring of Schiano. One GOP candidate did not — Randy Boyd. The same Randy Boyd who is the business partner of — wait for it — Jimmy Haslam. See a pattern here? Maybe Chip should tell Randy that checking your manhood at the door because the Haslams want you too is not a particularly good way to instill confidence in your ability to lead Tennessee as governor, especially the 100,000 voters who regularly show up at Neyland Stadium.
Currie claimed he thoroughly vetted Schiano before his secret offer of the job. What did he use to uncover Schiono’s background — a Ouija Board?? Every member of the RTP crew googled “Schiano Sandusky Penn State” and immediately got multiple disgusting hits. Currie apparently used tea leaves and rune sticks. And now Tennessee’s name is smeared because of his incompetence and/or willful ignorance.
Fincher campaign consultant big loser in recent Virginia elections.
25-year incumbent conservative (and Tommy Hopper client) loses to a transgender left-wing nut job.
Virginia Republicans weren’t the only ones disappointed with last month’s elections in that state. Senate candidate Stephen Fincher must have been concerned about the performance of his campaign consultant, Tommy “GOP Money Pigs” Hopper. (Hopper got that nickname when, as state GOP chairman he referred to the party’s largest and most loyal contributors as “GOP money pigs.” He was soon thrown out of the chairman’s office). Hopper was providing strategy and other services for a number of races in the Old Dominion.
All of them came up losers.
The most ignominious defeat was when long-time Del. Bob McDonald, arguably the most conservative Republican in the Virginia House, lost to the nation’s first transgender legislator. The transgender candidate leads a professional heavy metal band and was a former newspaper reporter (well of course he/she was a reporter). Yet Hopper couldn’t come up with a strategy to beat her?
Such a defeat must have even Hopper wondering about his political masculinity.
Anyone can have a bad year, but it seems that Hopper is having a bad couple of years. Hopper was also the consultant last election to Brian Kelsey in his race for Fincher’s old congressional seat. Kelsey & Hopper spent a cool $1,000,000 in the primary. And Kelsey came in 4th in that race.
Maybe Fincher doesn’t seem too worried because he thinks Tom Ingram is always available to try for one of his patented “4th quarter comebacks” (like he did for Corker in 2006 and Lamar in 2014). We would advise Hopper to start looking over his shoulder. But maybe he would be worrying about nothing. There are plenty of other candidates out there who are going to lose in 2018. And they all could use a consultant like Hopper.
Perhaps Tommy-boy can convince someone to “crossover” and become a Republican. After the Virginia election, he’s a bona fide expert in “gender-fluid” party affiliations.
We hear Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner is available.
Do some TN politicians have a Judge Moore problem?
First off, we are not casting judgement on Judge Moore, he of Alabama fame. For all we know it was a set-up smear job by the MSM and their allies in the “Well, I never…” Republican Caucus. For all we know Judge Roy was cruising the junior high playground looking for “dates” or he was volunteering at the homeless shelter. Time will tell. Anywho, this ain’t Alabama, this is Tennessee — and we have higher expectations of our politicians, if not our football team.
BUT…. That doesn’t mean we here in the Volunteer state don’t have some solid candidates for the Creepiest Politican award (or as we call it here in Tennessee, “The Jeremy”). Now don’t y’all go clutching your pearls and swooning towards the fainting couch. We have all heard the rumors and the stories that are perhaps more than just rumors. One of the more sordid (but admittedly entertaining) tasks we have here at RTP is to puncture that big old balloon called “political hypocrisy.” We are, of course, talking about sex. Randy representatives. Lewd legislators.
As Harvey Weinstein might say: “And the nominees are…”
- . The former top aide to a top legislative leader who had to be hustled out of the office because he couldn’t keep his hands off a female staffer in another office.
- . The married former staffer and campaign consultant who became enamored with a willing sweet young thing, then lost his marbles when she cut him off. He allegedly sent nasty notes in the mail to her parents and others. He’s still lurking around. Word is, the Jane Doe was hustled out of town and given a state-related job in the hopes she would keep her lips and her pants zipped up.
- . The politician who set his cap for a teenage high school girl who caught his eye. She is so much younger than him, even wider than 18-year age gap between Judge Moore and one of his accusers. Like Moore allegedly did, our Tennessee pol first came into contact with the girl when she was a teenager (17) and he was in his 40’s. Evidently he was undecided as to whether he should adopt the girl or marry her. He chose the latter. Ewww.
- . A leading House Republican whose LP nickname is “Zippy.” When his wife had had enough of his serial philandering, she threw his sorry butt out of the house. However, he still has a seat in the people’s House.
So hit the water coolers and run up a bar tab with your feverish speculations. RTP will continue to report on those “shagedelic salons” who seem to have problems keeping their junk in their pants.
For those of you new to the exercise, you can send us tips to our notorious tip line (firstname.lastname@example.org) as to who you think we are talking about. Or you can send us your own rumor. As usual, we will not answer your comments or emails, but we will read them. Eventually. If our lawyer says it’s okay.