Yeah, for a few months there we had real lives. Babies, graduations, weddings, drunken nights in Bangkok (well maybe not the Bangkok part – but you get the idea). But then we wandered down to Legislative Plaza only to find they had moved the legislature someplace else. All we found were storage boxes and a tumbleweed blowing through where the snack bar used to be. That got us curious.
Truth is the crew here at Rocky Top was a little bored with our blog. We grew tired of having to sober up before noon so we could dazzle everyone with our extensive sources and incredible political analyses and still make it to the bar by happy hour.
Things were starting to get a little stale. Haslam was a lame duck, Corker had become a full-fledged self-destructive little pipsqueak. Even Glen Casada decided to hang out with people his own age.
Even the governor’s race didn’t interest us that much.
We watched in wonder as Diane Black (who was arguably the most qualified to be governor) went down in flames. Randy Boyd (the wealthiest – and most annoying), barely came in second while his campaign spent the equivalent of the gross domestic product of a medium-sized African nation. But hey — Chip Saltsman got wealthy as his campaign manager, so that’s something of a silver lining, we guess. Beth Harwell was the most pitiful. And then there was Billy Lee.
Lee turned a real personal tragedy into a book, inherited the family business, then married his kids’ teacher, all of which gave him an inexplicable reason to run for governor (hinting that he had received the personal endorsement of the Holy Spirit didn’t hurt either.) It is understandable if Lee and his team think they were political geniuses, but they would be wrong. They were smart enough to take the only path to winning that was available to them: let the others fight outside the school cafeteria, while Lee snuck back inside and stole everyone’s lunch. But don’t get cocky, kids. 64% of the GOP primary voters voted for someone other than Bill Lee. Lee’s margin for error over the next four years is very thin.
Marsha Blackburn trounced Phillary Bredesen and became the senator the establishment hates. Mark Green was handed a congressional seat on a silver platter (Green’s former patient, Saddam Hussein, would have been so proud of him had he not been unfortunately hanged some years ago). John Rose married a girl he used to “mentor” when she was a high school student, but wrote a check for a few million and bought a golden ticket to DC. And Tim Burchett finally admitted (or did he?) that Big Foot wasn’t real and was awarded one of the state’s “Congressman for Life” slots.
“But, but, why are you picking on Republicans?” we hear you whine. In the words of the great bank robber Willie Sutton: “Because that’s where the money is.” And by “money” we mean the tax dollars and state contracts being lined up by lobbyists advising Bill Lee. They are like pigs at the trough, waiting to get the neophyte governor to do their bidding and fill their pockets.
As for going after Democrats, well that would just be cruel. Like shooting the terminally wounded.
So now to answer the question that probably no one is asking, but we will answer it anyway. Is RTP back for real?
We will not be publishing as frequently as we used to. Mrs. Hot Chick thinks that’s why we got bored in the first place. But when we do spout off, we will try to make it good.
One final reminder: We still don’t care what your opinion is. But keep leaking us good stuff and maybe you can join our elite army:
The Few. The Proud. The Merry Band of Tipsters.
COMING SOON to a spam filter near you:
- The education of Billy Lee.
- That pain you’re feeling Governor is just Glen Casada channeling Jimmy Naifeh.
- Randy McNally: Run silent, run deep.
- Butch Ely says: “You can’t work here. Hell, you’re a conservative!”