Stop the presses! Breaking News from the Tennessean!
Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
ExclusiveTennessean report reveals someone in Durham campaign reported a contribution to Donald Trump, but didn’t fill out the form correctly!
It finally happened. The Tennessean dropped all pretense of being a legitimate, balanced news source and did the Full Monty by exposing themselves for the pitiful hacks they really are.
Those unfortunate enough to visit the online Tennessean earlier today were treated to a Breaking News! banner headline that, to put it mildly, was actually a reality show attempt to generate news where there was none.
In this instance the Tennessee breathlessly reported that political punch-line Jeremy Durham had bought about $160 worth of Trump for President hats in response to a constituent request and duly reported the purchase as a contribution to the Trump for President campaign. In the process, someone at the Durham campaign listed Durham as the city manager for Fairview (the request was made by the wife of the city manager of Fairview, so you can see how easy it was for a clerical error to be made). That’s it. That’s the whole damn story. We know what you’re thinking: GASP! The HORROR! Oh, the Humanity!!!
Breaking News from the Tennessean!
Durham reports campaign contribution. Fails to note that he is not the Ambassador to France. Harwell and Slatery launch new investigation.
Channel 4 Action Jackson News Reporter Alanna Autler will have more on this important development on the “Alanna Autler’s Channel 4 Action Jackson Special Report” (tonight at 10:00pm, or whenever Boucher gets home to give her the script.)
But the complete (and now official) idiots at the Tennessean didn’t stop there. Oh, no-o-o-o. They went on to demonstrate their Pavlovian response to the very mention of Durham’s name by regurgitating for the 437th time the various transgressions ascribed to Durham. (Still waiting on someone – anyone – to file, you know, actual legal charges against Durham. But we digress).
Then they tripled down on their manufactured news story by gratuitously mentioning that the city of Fairview was under investigation on a matter that has absolutely nothing to do with Durham. Cut and paste much, fellas? They teach you that in J-School?
Breaking News from the Tennessean!
The Tennessean has learned (by apparently reading the Drudge Report) that Adolph Hitler had only one testicle. Rep. Jeremy Durham, the subject of an AG investigation over accusations of sexual harassment, was unavailable for comment and offered no explanation why he apparently has twice as many testicles as Hitler, but he immediately resigned his volunteer position as parking lot attendant at the Fairview July 4th picnic. Speaker Harwell said he should also be expelled from the fireworks display as well.
As a result of the Tennessean’s Pulitzer Prize-level reporting, the AG has issued subpoenas and seized the personal phone records of Durham and half the voters of Williamson County in his effort to investigate the “Durham Doodads Scandal” as heroically reported by the Tennessean.
More on “Cajones-gate” in Frank Daniels The Third’s column this Sunday.
MEANWHILE, Back at Election HQs…..
As the Tennessean was stopping the presses while beating the press operators to work faster, they managed to completely ignore a real-life, actual ethical and likely illegal activity taking place right under their News Hound noses. Two liberal Democrat lobbyists were hosting political meetings for Rep. Charles Sargent in their homes, while failing to report that doing so violates the in-kind contributions rule that prevents sleazebal…uh…lobbyists from doing that sort of thing.
If only Sargent had done something really newsworthy — like buying a Donald Trump poster while failing to report that he, Sargent, was not the Queen of England. Now that would have been some bitchin’ news, dude!
Some advice to the children at the Tennessean: Next time you think you have something important to report – please don’t.
We’re running out of sharks.